What You Should Do When Pursued By Zombies

I will now perform a very valuable public service. I will present a clear instruction on what you should do to increase your chances of surviving when you are being pursued by zombies. And no, I don't mean crazed shoppers banging at the door of a Walmart the day after Thanksgiving, and you're the store manager.

When you're being pursued by zombies, run to a shopping mall!

Though the paper itself does not specifically refer to fleeing from zombies, it describes "the survival probability of immobile targets annihilated by random walkers." The conclusions suggest that the people trapped in a mall in "Dawn of the Dead" may be better off than the folks stuck in a farmhouse in "Night of the Living Dead."

Cassi found that the likelihood of survival when threatened by predatory random walkers is closely related to how complex the prey’s hideout is. The more twists and turns, the safer you'll be. In structures that are highly complex and irregular, the chances of the predator coming into contact with its target shrinks down to almost zero.

What better place can there be? You can hide from the zombies, eat a piece of Cinnabon, and get that 50% off on off-season sweater from JC Penney all at the same time!

Zz.

Cubs Going Nowhere This Year

Sign of the times. The souvenir stores around Wrigley field are trying to dump their Cubs merchandise. The Chicago Cubs aren't going anywhere this year after a dismal season.

So if you want at least 20% off of Cubs merchandise, this is the time to get it!


Zz.

Tired of Phony Psychics?

I had a chuckle when I read the title for a Google web advertisement for a psychic website. It asked "Tired of Phony Psychics?"

Isn't that like thieves asking "Are you tired of being robbed by amateur thieves? Well now, you can be robbed by professional thieves!"

I feel so much better now.

Zz.

British Govt. Apologizes To Alan Turing

This isn't part of life's amusing event since it is rather tragic.

After the tremendous call due to an online petition, the British government today finally and formally apologizes posthumously to Alan Turing for his inhumane treatment. This despite his significant contribution not only to the computing knowledge and mathematics, but in his war effort to decipher the German's secret code during WWII.

In a statement on the British Government Web site, Prime Minister Gordon Brown acknowledged Turing's "outstanding" contribution during World War II.

"He truly was one of those individuals we can point to whose unique contribution helped to turn the tide of war," he wrote, adding, "The debt of gratitude he is owed makes it all the more horrifying, therefore, that he was treated so inhumanely."

Turing is considered one of Britain's greatest mathematicians, a genius who is credited with inventing the Bombe, a code-breaking machine that deciphered messages encoded by German Enigma machines during World War II.

He went on to develop the Turing machine, a theory that automatic computation cannot solve all mathematical problems, which is considered the basis of modern computing.

One would hope that in this day and age, such treatment would no longer occur. But the human being capacity for stupidity, and for cruelty, has never ceased to amaze me.

Zz.